Today was actually going quite well until the doctor came in the room and ruined it. I should've guessed he had bad news because he seemed pretty serious. The pathology report came back and indicated that there was some cancer in the sample that was removed. He said that of the tissue they removed from the brain, about 70% was dead tissue from radiation, and 30% was cancer tissue. So that explains why the first little sample indicated that it was just dead tissue. They must've tested the wrong area during surgery. I don't really understand the 70/30 thing, either, because his tumor was originally encapsulated, and back in January it looked more like a solid mass. Does this mean it's no longer solid, and it's spreading like wild fire? I guess that would've been a good question to ask, but I don't know if I want to know the answer.
For some reason the bad news was easier to swallow the second time around (versus hearing the same thing two weeks ago). I don't know if I'm just still in denial, if it just hasn't processed yet, or if I'm just DONE with the bad news. Probably all of the above. But it's weird how your day can start off one way, and end so differently.
We meet with the oncologist on Tues to discuss our options. I think chemo is probably a "for sure," and radiation might possibly be an option. I'm just sick of doing all of this stuff that isn't working, especially when they make him feel horrible and don't seem to work. But I don't know that we have any other options. The neurosurgeon did mention some trial stuff. I guess we'll see what they have to say on Tuesday. No reason to speculate before then.
On the brighter side, Jared was able to come home today, a short TWO days after brain surgery! He still has some motor skill issues, as well as the speech issues, but I'm not going to push much this soon after surgery. I did get some exercises from the specialists to practice with him in a couple days. For his motor skills he gets to play with putty and screw bolts on screws, things like that. He tried the putty today and said it was way too hard. So we'll try again in a couple days. I do remember this is a SLOW process, unfortunately! As much as we want it back today, it's just not going to happen.
Jared and I have always felt at peace that he has at least a few good years ahead of him. I don't really know how to explain or even to accept all of this going so horribly so quickly. I've heard of other situations where the cancer kept coming back and coming back, and the person still somehow overcame it. I don't know how those scenarios equate with this type of brain cancer. I don't know that it's even possible, because the brain can only take so much surgery and so much tampering. Yet for some crazy reason, we both still have hope. It's scary to be in a position of feeling like one day I will either be made a complete fool for having so much hope, or feeling like I will have an incredible story to share! I would so much prefer to have a boring life with no drama and no story to share.
