Jared decided it was time to leave us on Friday, October 18th.
Thursday night his breathing was much more labored, and in the night I started hearing the rattling sound in his throat, so I knew it would be soon. I didn't sleep much Thursday night. Friday morning Jared's sister texted me and asked if Jared was doing the same, or if he was getting worse. I told her I thought he could pass at any time. Within a few minutes, most of Jared's family was at my home. My parents were both there, and my sister and her husband showed up as well. We had a big group. The hospice nurse came at 11:00 and checked his vitals. His heart rate had gone from 120 on Thursday to 24. So we knew his body was shutting down. She told us she thought it would be that night or the next morning. But he went quick. He passed away a little before 1:00pm, with his sister at his side holding his hand. We all feel that it was no coincidence that he passed away exactly five years after his mom. We believe that was her way of showing us she was involved in helping him make the transition.
All of the kids were gone but Drew. He came home from preschool at 11:00 and he stayed downstairs watching cartoons. That was a huge blessing not to have any of the kids near.
I had Drew come and give him one last kiss. He obviously didn't know what was going on.
I really debated whether to bring the older kids home from school before they took his body. As he started losing color, I decided not to because I didn't want them to be traumatized. He didn't look good. Jared's sister, Marianne, offered a prayer after he passed, and blessed me to know what to do regarding the children. A little while later I just knew they needed to at least be given the choice. Jace had been really worried a couple days earlier that Jared was going to die while he was at school, and I knew it would be hard for them if I just brought them home from school telling them that their dad had died, and he was gone. As I left to go pick them up, my dad grabbed my arm and said, "Leslee, don't tell them he's dead. Tell them he's dying." I'm SO grateful for that! When I picked them up, I told them that we knew dad was about to die, and that I wanted to give them the chance to say goodbye before they took him away. I warned them that as the body dies, it changes color, and told them he would look very sick and pale. I told them they didn't have to see him. They both chose to give him a kiss. His body was still pretty warm. My sister-in-law took them to her house afterward so they didn't have to watch his body being taken away. I truly believe that Marianne's prayer made all the difference. I feel very at peace with how everything was handled. And I think my kids had the appropriate closure. They seem to be doing very well. Even Jace.
I will always have sweet little memories of my little kids with their dad in his final days. The last few days before he became bed-ridden, Averie insisted on helping me whenever Jared walked anywhere. I would hold his left arm, and Averie would run over and grab his right hand. She would always say, "Help daddy." It actually made it hard for Jared to walk, and he would try not to trip over her, but I didn't have the heart to tell her no. It was so sweet. She wanted to help her daddy.
The day before Jared passed away, Drew went to show daddy his sticker, and he kept trying to wake him up because he really wanted him to see it. I told Drew to give daddy a little kiss. He said, "Will that make him wake up?" I wish, buddy, I wish. Drew was always making his daddy laugh, and I'm sure Jared would've loved to see his sticker.
Thursday night his breathing was much more labored, and in the night I started hearing the rattling sound in his throat, so I knew it would be soon. I didn't sleep much Thursday night. Friday morning Jared's sister texted me and asked if Jared was doing the same, or if he was getting worse. I told her I thought he could pass at any time. Within a few minutes, most of Jared's family was at my home. My parents were both there, and my sister and her husband showed up as well. We had a big group. The hospice nurse came at 11:00 and checked his vitals. His heart rate had gone from 120 on Thursday to 24. So we knew his body was shutting down. She told us she thought it would be that night or the next morning. But he went quick. He passed away a little before 1:00pm, with his sister at his side holding his hand. We all feel that it was no coincidence that he passed away exactly five years after his mom. We believe that was her way of showing us she was involved in helping him make the transition.
All of the kids were gone but Drew. He came home from preschool at 11:00 and he stayed downstairs watching cartoons. That was a huge blessing not to have any of the kids near.
I had Drew come and give him one last kiss. He obviously didn't know what was going on.
I really debated whether to bring the older kids home from school before they took his body. As he started losing color, I decided not to because I didn't want them to be traumatized. He didn't look good. Jared's sister, Marianne, offered a prayer after he passed, and blessed me to know what to do regarding the children. A little while later I just knew they needed to at least be given the choice. Jace had been really worried a couple days earlier that Jared was going to die while he was at school, and I knew it would be hard for them if I just brought them home from school telling them that their dad had died, and he was gone. As I left to go pick them up, my dad grabbed my arm and said, "Leslee, don't tell them he's dead. Tell them he's dying." I'm SO grateful for that! When I picked them up, I told them that we knew dad was about to die, and that I wanted to give them the chance to say goodbye before they took him away. I warned them that as the body dies, it changes color, and told them he would look very sick and pale. I told them they didn't have to see him. They both chose to give him a kiss. His body was still pretty warm. My sister-in-law took them to her house afterward so they didn't have to watch his body being taken away. I truly believe that Marianne's prayer made all the difference. I feel very at peace with how everything was handled. And I think my kids had the appropriate closure. They seem to be doing very well. Even Jace.
I will always have sweet little memories of my little kids with their dad in his final days. The last few days before he became bed-ridden, Averie insisted on helping me whenever Jared walked anywhere. I would hold his left arm, and Averie would run over and grab his right hand. She would always say, "Help daddy." It actually made it hard for Jared to walk, and he would try not to trip over her, but I didn't have the heart to tell her no. It was so sweet. She wanted to help her daddy.
The day before Jared passed away, Drew went to show daddy his sticker, and he kept trying to wake him up because he really wanted him to see it. I told Drew to give daddy a little kiss. He said, "Will that make him wake up?" I wish, buddy, I wish. Drew was always making his daddy laugh, and I'm sure Jared would've loved to see his sticker.
I should also add that my sister's husband was so sweet to drive down from Logan after my discussion with Jace. He spent the day with him. Nick's dad died in a tragic work accident when he was 8, and Nick was the oldest of four kids. He was the perfect person for Jace to open up to. He said that Jace's main concerns were that Jared was going to forget him, or that he would forget Jared. I think it helped Jace to hear about Nick's experience and to know that Nick hasn't forgotten his dad.
Since Jared's passing, we've been reminiscing about how funny he was. And I've been going through pictures. I think I had forgotten what a fun person he used to be before cancer. I'm remembering fun things he used to do with the kids, things I had forgotten about. His passing has allowed me to do that. He's no longer stricken with cancer. I think that's why I've been so at peace. He is now himself again. And I'm so happy for him!
Brynlee's question the other day has gotten me thinking. I've never really given deep consideration as to why Jared got cancer, but I needed to figure it out to be able to give my kids an honest, well thought-out answer.
Since Jared's passing, we've been reminiscing about how funny he was. And I've been going through pictures. I think I had forgotten what a fun person he used to be before cancer. I'm remembering fun things he used to do with the kids, things I had forgotten about. His passing has allowed me to do that. He's no longer stricken with cancer. I think that's why I've been so at peace. He is now himself again. And I'm so happy for him!
Brynlee's question the other day has gotten me thinking. I've never really given deep consideration as to why Jared got cancer, but I needed to figure it out to be able to give my kids an honest, well thought-out answer.
For some reason this past few days of thinking, and reading thoughts and comments from those who knew him, that answer suddenly became pretty clear.
Jared had lived such a good, decent life, that our Heavenly Father knew he could trust Jared to be a tool to influence others' lives for good by going through these past two years, and handling it with such dignity, grace, courage, and humor. Jared taught me a lot through his battle.
Jared never complained. He would get REALLY frustrated with his lack of ability, but he never complained. When I talked to him about it a couple months ago, he said he learned from his Grandpa (who died of lung cancer) that you "take it like a man, and you don't complain."
He also proved that addiction can be overcome. He was on steroids for 9 months. His body became completely dependent on them. And he HATED that. He hated feeling addicted to something. So he was determined to get off of them. It took MONTHS of struggle and determination, but he did it. His doctors were amazed. They said that most people aren't willing to deal with the horrible side effects of getting off of them. But he did it. I remember one day in particular that he was suffering horrible side effects from tapering, and we took the kids to Hogle Zoo. He had to sit and rest every few minutes because it was so hard for him. He could've taken more steroids that day and felt great, but he was determined.
I also loved that he joked about his cancer. If he forgot something or couldn't come up with an answer, he would blame it on the brain tumor. He also told me that one time at work, a guy from the FDIC was telling a story, and said that somebody had... and then he didn't finish the sentence, so Jared figured out that he was afraid to say the word cancer around him. He said it was so awkward! Jared never understood why people would tip-toe around the subject. He didn't let cancer define who he was.
I've also realized that the reason I've been able to endure this trial well was because HE did... period.
If the whole purpose of life is to endure to the end well, Jared endured like a champ! What a wonderful legacy he left for me and the kids, and I'm so grateful for that!
I take such comfort in knowing what a good person he was. And I wasn't afraid of his death. And that's the greatest gift he could've possibly given me. I think there's a huge lesson to be learned there, too, for all of us.
