Dear Jared,
I can't believe 6 months have passed since we said goodbye. Time has passed so quickly, which I guess is a good thing. Today I've been reflecting on the past 6 months and things I know you would've liked to have been a part of.
You would be so proud of our kids! They are doing so well. They are such happy kids, it makes it easy to smile. Averie is getting so big! She has turned into such a stinker! I know you would be laughing with me at how she tries to pester those around her to get a reaction, then she's quick to give them a hug and tell them she's sorry. She definitely takes after you! She's talking a lot more now, and her little high-pitched voice is so cute. Drew loves preschool. I love dropping him off and watching his excitement. He has a new best friend, Kai, and they get together quite a bit. He is such a sweet boy. He is constantly giving me hugs and telling me he loves me. He makes sure to tell me he loves you, too. He doesn't like to leave my side, which is a new thing. He's probably worried I will leave him. I'm sure he doesn't understand that you didn't want to leave him. One day he will. Jace is the one you were worried about the most, and I think he's the one you would be the most proud of. He is such a responsible, well-behaved kid! He misses talking sports with you like crazy. Last night your dad came over and Jace said the prayer. He gave such a sweet, mature prayer. I think your dad was able to see the growth in him. I have no doubt that you have a huge role in that. Brynlee is still a rock. She's a good example to her younger siblings, and she helps me out a lot. I don't know if I could do this without her! Because of her, I get my much-needed breaks. I'm so grateful for that! I am doing well. I get reminders every now and then for how clueless I am with the stuff you always took care of. Sometimes I wonder how I'm surviving! I know you wanted me to be happy, so I'm trying to find happiness. That is such a blessing and a gift I feel like you gave me. I know you wanted me to move forward, and I'm so grateful you shared that with me. Sometimes I feel a huge weight of responsibility because I know you wanted us to be happy and taken care of, so I always wonder if I'm making the right decisions. I had a dream a couple weeks ago that you were counseling me. I wondered if it was true counsel, or if it was just on my mind. I'm sure you're trying to find ways to communicate with me. It was good to see you healthy and yourself. I hope I have more dreams like that. The past couple days I've been looking out the kitchen window and I picture you driving up and getting out of the car. Sometimes all of this just doesn't seem real.
Last month was the annual March Madness with all the guys. I told them to be sure to watch for signs that you were with them. I KNEW WITH ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY that you wouldn't miss it! :) They told me they had a couple of experiences where they felt like you were there or at least aware. And apparently Neil gambled a lot. I'm sure you had something to do with that!
Today I was reading back to where our lives were a year ago. I'm so grateful that cancer is no longer consuming both of us. I'm so grateful that you don't have to struggle daily anymore, that you can joke, play ball, and do all those things that you wanted to do so bad for so long. I'm grateful that you are now watching over us.
I will always love you, and I will always be grateful for the wonderful memories we created.
